GYM-tastics!

I got a coupon in the mail for a free one week pass at LA Fitness. I decided to join the gym and like most things, once I make a decision, I have to follow through NOW! I thought this place would be perfect because it is within walking distance, AND its only $30 per month! That's two less drinks a month at Harvard and Stone or 6 less ill-fitting dresses from Ross Dress for Less. I could do that. I walk the mile from my apt to the gym (how athletic!) to the former Bally's- now LA Fitness with high hopes. But my hopes were dashed by the chlorine-sweat smell and the guy at the front desk who told me that I couldn't use the free pass because I didn't have a local ID. I nearly weeped. I walked passed many drug addicts to get here in the hot LA sun. I needed to work out NOW. My pathetic nature (and maybe my gut) convinced the man to let me use the facilities for the day. I walked around and the place was nasty. I don't like cleaning,(burns too many calories) but this is even dirtier than my college dorm room ever was. A lot of machines were broken and in the locker room, there were band-aids stuck to the walls. Why so many band-aids? Are people cutting themselves because they are so depressed that they have to spend a year in this sweat-swamp to get thin? I ran on the treadmill for twenty minutes while listening to the Disney radio channel that was blasting in the gym. Who knew Nick Carter was still cranking out sappy hits? I decided that no matter how cheap, I couldn't do this gym. I'd rather "embrace my curves". I wanted to sneak away from the sales guy at the front but he had taken my non-local ID to make sure I wouldn't sneak off without the big sales pitch. The guy was trying his hardest to get me to join and I felt like I was at a time-share meeting. I had to be stern and grab my ID off the desk and run away. I ran all the way to 24 Hour fitness which was filled with young, in shape people and clean equipment. Not a band-aid in sight. They have a full basketball court! Maybe I'll learn how to shoot some hoops! They have a pool! They are much more expensive! (But I joined anyway) I will have to give up 3 salads at Tender Greens or 2 eyebrow waxes a month...Who will notice my unibrow when my body is in such Sick Shape!

Sick without the shape

I am in my hot pink flannel “superstar” pajamas breathing in steam from a pot because I once again have a cold. Now, I can’t subject fellow yogis to my cold but I thought a sun salutation would make me feel better…and I nailed it! I did a plank push-up without using my knees. This is amazing. I even made my husband verify that my body was straight and I wasn’t falling to fast. Not in Sickshape yet..but doing a push-up while I am sick means I am halfway there. Right?

Backbending on my Head

You would think that they give away free popcorn and horseback rides at yoga classes because of how often I want to go. In the last 2 months, I have taken a couple of amazing classes, some boring ones, and one that took place in crazyville. My two favorite classes were with Lynn Taylor at Liberation Yoga and Heather Funston at Shaktibox. In Lynn’s class we worked on patience using back bends. She had the class organized so that one pose built on top of another heading towards the ending backbend pose with a partner assisting your stretch. I can’t explain it well but it felt great. Today in Heather’s class I did a headstand and a handstand and I was getting closer to that real push up without using my knees or flopping my belly on the ground. I had a teacher tell me recently that I wasn’t strong. I totally believed her and have been thinking about it when I am in my classes. That boob* held me back! Today Heather said that I was strong enough to do headstand and I did it! I told her that I never did a handstand and she helped me get there. Just a little encouragement will make your terrace garden grow.**


*not my actual boob, the dumb lady
** not my actual garden, that needs water and I always forget

ps: I recommend the Candlelight Yoga class with Caroline Cardino at Yummy Yoga. It can be very challenging but I always feel bendy and strong the next day.

The clutzy traveler

I don't know how a clutz like me who travels as much as I do can get into sick shape without working out on the plane swaddled in bubblewrap. I cut my thumb, have a contusion on my shin and twisted my ankle. The way all of these injuries occured is too boring to blog about but they did prevent me from going to Pop Physique on the 2 days in the last 2 weeks that I have been LA. I finally went back today on the last day of my monthly unlimited plan. I told my teacher, Jenn, about my stupid shin and she was extremely accomodating. I am going to buy a 10 class card because I don't think I will find a work out that I like better. Plus they give a 10% SAG discount. I knew there was a reason that I was still paying my dues.

In other news:
I read that the Federal Trade Commission is about to regulate bloggers that review any goods or services. What else can a blogger review, their own toenails? (If so, i give them 3 stars.) They will fine up to $11,000 bloggers who do not disclose any gifts or discounts provided by the company being reviewed. I am disclosing that the only gift that I received from Pop Physique was the ability to pet the new kitten that was hanging out in the studio. I love cats..especially baby ones.

Working towards a POPular PHYSIQUE!

Pop Physique

Pop Physique knows how to market its studio. The pictures of the model on the sight are borderline inappropriate for work. Those tight buns in booty shorts will make you envious! Drop in classes are a steep 20 bucks but for $100 as a first time client you get 30 days of unlimited classes. I could go everyday if I wanted…to every class! Surely then I will be in SICK SHAPE! The wallpaper in the studio has awesome burlesque fishnet legs in a pattern that you wouldn’t notice unless you were staring at the wall so hard while gripping a ballet bar and working hip muscles you didn’t know you had. The class is an hour and works literally every muscle using a combination of weights, a playground ball and the ballet bar. From what I understand, there was a lass named Lotte Berk who invented this glorious torture. Many women who were inspired by her started studios all over the country. You may have heard of The Bar Method or seen the late night infomercials for Fluidity. Pop Physique is a variation on the same theme. I did Fluidity a long time ago when I saw posters in Bally Total Fitness in NYC that said, “Do you want to lose 10-20 lbs and have a dancer’s body?” Umm, YES! I auditioned and got into a FREE one time only program where I had to take before and after pictures for an infomercial. There are some of those pictures of me somewhere…. We took Fluidity 3-5 days a week, had a running coach force us to run in Central Park twice a week and were put on the South Beach Diet. I went from a size 8 to a size 2 in 4 months. It was crazy. We had public weigh-ins and even though I got that teeny tiny, I wasn’t in sick enough shape for the infomercial. That was fine by me; the only infomercial I want to be in is the one for my own line of Swedish Meatballs. Thankfully, Pop Physique is not trying to get anyone into any infomercials, commercials, or information booths. I just finished my third class this week and my body already feels different. I am slightly more flexible and my abs are tighter! I am hooked!

To become addicted to Pop Physique go to:
www.popphysique.com

The spinning yogi.

My first experiment was YAS, a yoga and spinning studio in Silverlake and Venice. I found the studio because when I googled “exercise, Hollywood” the website came up and the first class is FREE! I tried the Yoga for Athletes class because the idea of spinning makes me want to ride a bike off a cliff. Now, before this class if you asked me if I liked Yoga, I would promptly shout, “Hell, no!” I hate sitting or standing still. This class was only 60 minutes and we moved around quite a bit. I had this incredible happy feeling that came over me by the end. I bought a 10 class package at a 10% “first-timer” discount. I went back to the studio looking for that same feeling but never achieved it. I still loved the yoga classes but I think I was trying too hard to have the same transcendent experience. One day I went and I was the only student! I got a very inexpensive private lesson. I told the teacher, James, that I had a hard time going from plank into the push-up. By hard time I mean I physically could not do it. (These are not normal push-ups, they want you to keep your arms by your sides and use your triceps instead of your pecs.) How could a girl who danced from ages 3-21 and still does on and off be such a weakling? I don’t know. If a pushup required leg muscles instead, I would be a push-up pro. James helped me get the proper form for the push up and I at least have a glimmer of hope that one day I will be able to do the girl version. After a couple of yoga classes, I decided to try the dreaded spinning class. They have a YAS class which is ½ hour spinning, ½ hour Yoga. I got through the spinning but couldn’t wait until yoga. My teacher was awesome and everyone else seemed into it but I just don’t like spinning. I would rather run. Not that I like running. Those bike seats are hard. Apparently if you use your abs to lift up while spinning you won’t feel that hard seat so much. We’ll see. I definitely have to try it again because I don’t want to rule it out after one ½ hour class. Plus, all the teachers are in SICK SHAPE! It’s the combo of spinning and yoga that gets them there. I will go back to YAS after my class package is used up. The studio is beautiful and the teachers have good energy.

To find out more about YAS and get a coupon for a free class go to:
www.go2yas.com

Hello.

I am a comedy writer/performer from NYC who recently moved to Los Angeles. I am the test subject in my own exercise experiment. I want to look like the teachers of my fitness classes. They are all in SICK SHAPE! I have been in sick shape before but that was literally from getting sick. Four years ago I had a cold that laid me up for three weeks and I got down to a size zero. I booked a small role on Law and Order right after that. What a cruel world. I want to be healthy (cold free), eat well and workout because it’s good for my mind and body, plus my extensive collection of polyester pantsuits will look way better with six-pack abs. Right, ladies! In NYC, I went to several different gyms and studios to take classes. When I moved to LA this year, I decided to be commitment free when it comes to my workouts. I want to take classes everywhere, take advantage of “first time client” discounts and find the best fit for me to get fit. I will write about my experiences and my progress towards the goal of getting into SICK SHAPE.